Salman Rushdie Will Sue Your Ass

Author Salman Rushdie is pissed at the former British cop who wrote a tell-all about his time guarding the ladies' man of letters when he was under the threat of a big ol' fatwa from the Ayatollah-haha, he outlived you, jerk!-in 1989. "Rushdie told The Guardian that the book portrayed him as 'mean, nasty, tight-fisted, arrogant and extremely unpleasant.'" Said Rushdie, "In my humble opinion, I am none of those things [...] I am not trying to prevent him from publishing this stupid book, but if they publish it there will be consequences and there will be a libel action."

"Rushdie's lawyer, Mark Stephens, said Saturday that he had written to the publisher of 'On Her Majesty's Service' [the tell-all, not the Bond novel] demanding it withdraw the book, which has not yet been published.

"Stephens, who also does legal work for The Associated Press, said he wrote to the book's publisher, John Blake Publishing Ltd., on Wednesday asking it to withdraw the book and remove 'the falsehoods relating to our client and his friends, the various statements that invade their privacy and statements about security precautions that remain in place. Unless you are prepared to take these steps, I shall issue proceedings against you,' the letter said.

"The Metropolitan Police said the force could not comment on Evans' allegations, but said in a statement: 'We regret that he chooses to publish this book.' [AP]