Dear God. Charlie Sheen Is the Highest Paid Actor On TelevisionTV Guide has released its annual list of television star salaries, and unsurprisingly it's a complete embarrassment of riches. What is surprising in a grim chuckle of a way is that Charlie Sheen, he of the hookers and blow and Hot Shots movies, is the highest paid actor on television, earning some $825,000 for each weekly episode of his tremendously unfunny sitcom Two and a Half Men. How the hell did that happen? Well, we know how it happened. THM has been inexplicably popular for years now, outlasting other numbnuts shouldn't-have-been-hits like According to Jim and Yes, Dear. What we really want to know is why did it happen? What is with Sheen's sheen? Maybe it has something to do with his hang-dog, "what can I say?" demeanor these days. Sheen doesn't so much apologize for being a ludicrous fuck-up for so many years, rather he's just pressing his two index fingers together, twirling one foot on the ground and saying "I've been bad, bad boy." And, I guess, people it eat up. And it fits right in with THM, which is well-intended stupidity-not nearly as hard to pick up as those more "complicated" or "weird" shows like The Office or 30 Rock. Another part of Sheen's enduring fame/popularity probably has something to do with the tabloid bolero of Sheen and his ex-wife, famous naked lady Denise Richards. She got the bulk of the negative press during their split, leaving Sheen to seem the weary, put-upon old druggie who just can't catch a break, man. (Add to that people's outrage over how handsomely Richards continues to profit from the divorce.) People seem to detect Richards' blind ambition and dislike it while they tolerate and even enjoy Sheen's affable (if at times violent and unstable) blundering. There's probably some sophomore gender studies paper to write about this, but it's summer. So just take it like this: Charlie Sheen is ridiculously rich and you are not. There you go.