Upon learning of the crimes of Jacksonville, Fl. native Reginald Peterson—who placed two 911 calls demanding local police locate and return a missing sandwich dressing to its rightful place atop his Subway spicy Italian sub—we were instantly reminded of Thelma Dennis, the Patron Defamer Saint of Emergency Phone Services Squandering, who phoned in fake bomb threats for 24 years.

We threw it open to you to cast the Thelma Dennis TNT Movie of the Week, Naughty Urges: Thelma Dennis's Undeadly Deception, and you gave us Brian Posehn—producing one of the greatest side-by-sides of all time. We turn to your casting prowess once more for Crazy Sauce: The Reginald Petersen Story. Let the casting commence!

• Meet Mr. Subway 2008 [The Smoking Gun]
• Man calls 911 after Subway left sauce off sandwich [AP]

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