Hey guys. Your usual Project Runway reviewer Joshua David Stein is out today, because he's a dirty hipster who doesn't have cable television and was unable to watch last night's episode. So you're stuck with me and I feel a bit like Eeyore, because I have nothing good to say. Yeah, that's right. I think this season of Project Runway stinks and I'm going to tell you why. It's actually pretty simple: the designers are annoying and, compared to last season's crop, depressingly untalented. I'm mad at everyone. I'm mad at Jerell who constantly looks like he's smelling something bad. Perhaps it's his own shatteringly unfunny self. I'm mad at Suede ("wackadoodle!") who just needs to shut the damn fuck up. At least he wasn't around much of last night's episode. I'm mad at Blayne for having a meth problem that makes him scratch his face all the time. Stop it Blayne! You're going to kill yourself! Also he did not know "what" Sgt. Pepper was, which made Tim Gunn sad. And he does not need more of that. Though kudos to Blayne for his soul-crushing joke about tanning and getting the bronze medal. That made my heart hurt in the right kind of way. Moving on. I'm mad at Stella for crawling out from under her bridge or leaving the gypsy caravan long enough to audition for the show. I'm mad at buck-toothed McGee, even though she went home, for designing a uniform for the United States-FOR THE GODDAMNED OLYMPICS-that included NO RED, WHITE, OR BLUE. If that's not the most spectacularly stupid thing you've ever seen on this show, then I've missed something that you've seen. Because, damn. And Daniel... skinny little minnow that you are. Epic fail. Not epic fail? Michael Kors on your stupid, poorly made shitbox of a dress: "Where is she from? The Republic of Cocktail Land?" And later "If her event is drinking then it's a good dress." Withering, Korsy. Withering. I guess I liked a few things. Kelli's outfit was adorable, as was Kerri's little boatsider ensemble. Stella's Space Mission to Mars Olympics 2100 outfit was fun to laugh at, as was Jerell's insane (crotch and otherwise!) be-hatted mishmash that looked exactly like this:
Korto shouldn't have won for her ill-fitting vest thing. The scepter should have gone to aww shucklesworth straight guy Joe, who rightly asserted that there were "too many queens" in America's gayest kitchen and later went on to design the only outfit that, ohhhh I don't know, correctly completed the challenge. I don't really know what else to say. Apolo Anton Ohno looked good, I guess. My friend Sarah insisted that his face looks like a vagina. I heartily agreed. My friend Cathy said she hated Kenley's flowers in her hair (she is going to San Francisco, one assumes). Sarah agreed and said she would like to punch her. I scrawled in my notebook: "This season blows" and then I underlined that a few times. At some point during the whole blatant NBC Olympics tie-in of a clusterfuck Korto intoned: "We're back in high school. I just want to get to college." I know exactly what you mean, love. I know exactly what you mean.