As these are the biggest stories imaginable in our plagued and ruined times, we thought we'd wax high school poetic about celebrity jinxes and death curses, and then provide you with a list of some of the best ones right. here. After the jump you can read all about the Poltergeist skeleton hex, the famous Rule of Three, and the Exorcist ailments, among others. There are seven of them, because that is a lucky number. Stay away, ghost of Burgess Meredith!
Celebrities Die in Miserable Trios No one really knows where this theory came from, though we suspect it may have something to do with the Wiccan Rule of Three. The Rule is pretty simple: once one celebrity dies, inevitably two more famous deaths will follow soon after. Speculation and dot-connecting can reach a fever pitch, even if the "celebrity" status of those considered can be a bit tenuous at times. Some sort of sane person may say that, you know, people die in an unending flood of thousands, every unforgiving day. But most of those people are poor and uninteresting. So, yeah. Important deaths happen in threes. The rest is just population control.
Carol Ann and the Poltergeist... Poltergeist When filming the gruesome "swimming pool full of dead people" scene, the crew used actual corpses (though they were union, at least.) A series of unfortunate events followed, as chronicled by the AJ Benza of unfortunate events, Lemony Snicket. OK, that is not at all true, but, yes, tragically several people involved with the production died suddenly. Dominique Dunne, the 22-year-old actress who played the eldest daughter of the haunted family, was murdered by her boyfriend soon after the movie was released. Heather O'Rourke, who played Carol Ann, died suddenly of a septic infection. Two other actors died shortly after. It makes me icky to think about it, so let's end there. You can read more about it here.
Billy Bob Thornton's Bad Juju Many of the skinny, weird actor's costars have died: JT Walsh, John Ritter, Heath Ledger (who also died in the movie he made with Thornton), Bernie Mac, and Jim "Ernest" Varney. On the Billy Bob boo-boos list are Shia LaBeouf and Morgan Freeman (both car accidents) and his Waking Up in Reno costar Patrick Swayze is suffering from pancreatic cancer. Why are you doing this, Billy Bob? What have these people done to offend you so? Is this why Angelina wore your blood 'round her neck, to ward off your bad magicks? Read more on Defamer.
The Dark Knight Curse: The Revenge of Katie Holmes As I've already expounded upon it beautifully, I won't go into the nitty gritty specifics of this latest Hollywood hex. All you need to know is that Heath died, Christian Bale threw his elderly saint of a mother out a window and then peed on her, and then Morgan Freeman took an ill-advised shortcut. Note the overlap between the DK jinx and Thorntongate. One party is responsible. You decide which one it is. But, chose wisely.
The Kal-El Katastrophes The Superman franchise is also doomed. George Reeves, who played the blocky stocky rocky socky space nerd on television in the 50's was killed in a suspicious (probably Lex Luthor-related) suicide. His memory was further desecrated when Ben Affleck was chosen to play him in the film Hollywoodland (I kid, I kid. Affleck was good in that.) Richard Pryor, from the 70's films, got sick and died. Margot Kidder wandered into the woods of her mind and was never heard from again. And of course the eerily similar-named Christopher Reeve was in a horseback riding accident that left him paralyzed. He died a few years later. Recently the latest Superman, Brandon Routh, was diagnosed with a severe case of No Career.
Writing Devil Checks Your Life Can't Cash Roman Polanski directed the howlingly funny Rosemary's Baby, about a woman who is the mutha of Satan's child. A year later, his young wife Sharon Tate was brutally murdered by members of Helter Skelterist Charles Manson's Fruitcake Crazy Society. Later Polanski sexed a ten-year-old and had to move to France. Meanwhile Brandon Lee, playing the lead role in the Godless resurrection/undead goth fest The Crow, was shot and killed during filming by a bullet that was supposed be a blank. Unlike everyone else on Earth, Lee's father Bruce Lee also died once.
Linda Blair Was Not the Only Creepy Thing to Come Crab-Walking Out of The Exorcist The William Friedkin documentary, about hell demons living in Washington DC, was overtaken by a curse that affected many cast and crew members' lives. There were fires on set and some "four to nine" crew members died during the filming of the movie. Linda Blair's grandfather passed away, as did the brother of 326-year-old Swedish actor Max von Sydow. Loads of other creepy stuff happened, not the least of which was the execrable (hah?) prequel Exorcist: The Beginning. So there you have it. Awful, terrible no good things. I'm sure I've missed some. I've heard rumors that people who costar with Debra Messing are doomed to play grating, sexless lawyers and that if you undo Diane Keaton's tie, her head falls off. What have you heard?