Bible Publisher Set to Release The Lynne Spears Guide to Fucking Up Your Children

Though they've already missed the perfect Mother's Day window, publisher Thomas Nelson, Inc. has just released new information on a parenting guide/cautionary tale penned by Britney and Jamie Lynn materfamilias Lynne Spears and set for release next month. Dubbed Through the Storm, the book will no doubt prove instructive to any stage mother willing to milk her daughters for all they're worth, subsequently ignoring them when their pregnancies/mental breakdowns interfere with a novelty T-shirt sale at Kitson (free out-of-season Uggs with any purchase!). Says Star Magazine:

According to the publisher Thomas Nelson — a publisher of inspirational books and Bibles — the book will take readers "beyond the reach of the paparazzi and outside the narrow orbit of the Hollywood glitterati to share the inside story of the Spears family-as only a mother can tell it."
Topics she discusses include: - Her regret in abdicating parental authority to managers, agents and record companies - Her response to Jamie Lynn's teen pregnancy - The startling events that led to Britney's meltdown and Lynne's showdown with manager Sam Lufti
Other topics include: - Her startling response to discovering that Fred Segal closes at 7pm - How to get the most from your daughter's checkbook - Sartorial choices: dressing like a slutty tween at age 53 Best of luck, Lynn — though we would have stuck with your original title: Drink, Play, F@#K . Sometimes you have to go high-concept.