Cruise to Jolie: Have My Spy Thriller, I Want 'Food Fight'

Have you heard? Tom Cruise has positively rejuvenated his career with an unbilled, unrecognizable cameo in an R-rated action comedy yet to open! How should he best ride the buzz from his shockingly profane comic role in Tropic Thunder, the likes of which we have never seen him play before? What career move could he possibly make to show discerning audiences that his edgy side is no fluke? Two words: family comedy! That's right, Cruise has decided to forgo the title role in the CIA thriller Edwin A. Salt (perhaps inspired by his gender-blind clothes swapping, he's ceded the part to Angelina Jolie) in favor of a mawkish comedy so cutting-edge that it attracted the director of Drillbit Taylor. Says THR:

The A-lister is loosely attached to "Food Fight," a warmhearted comedy about a snooty New York chef who is forced to cook meals at a school cafeteria, with Cruise playing the role of the chef. ..."Drillbit Taylor" helmer Steven Brill had been in talks to direct "Food Fight," but they came to naught; a search for a new director is under way.
Might we suggest Brian Robbins or Howard Deutch? Forgive us for being glib, but when Cruise sees his future No Reservations retread trounced by the Jolie-overhauled Edwina Salt, even a follow-up cameo in Tropic Thunder 2: Let's Get Retarded won't be enough to stop the bleeding.