Vagina-Like Face Not Among Selling Points of New Film, Argues Dane CookLionsgate is reportedly allocating a portion of its new credit line to therapists after Dane Cook, the co-star of the studio's forthcoming "edgy comedy with a dash of romance" My Best Friend's Girl, lashed out today at the poor souls responsible for the film's poster. As if their mission to sell a Dane Cook film wasn't challenging enough, the actor/comedian assailed everything from the designers' Photoshop skills to his own hair ("actually a close up shot of Tom Selleck's Magnum P.I. mustache," he notes) in a quest for cosmic poster justice. For reasons we'll explain after the jump, we think he's being a little hard on the artists. After all, isn't there a little bit "Brittany Spears' [sic] vagina" in all of us?
1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden. 2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy [sic] thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' [sic] vagina. ... 6. Flesh: It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"
Then there's the omission of Alec Baldwin ("so fucking funny in this movie!"), the Kate Hudson Mannequin Factor, Jason Biggs's flowers... The list goes on, but our own, three-person Poster Adjudication Board sides unanimously with Lionsgate brass who made their own private appeal this morning at Defamer HQ: "We don't know what he's complaining about. He knew when he signed on that we were planning a shit movie with shit art. He was like, 'Yeah, like Good Luck Chuck, no problem.' It's a Kate Hudson movie! They can't all be Hostel. Fucking douchebag." Pretty much. Case closed.