Most of what we know about Scientology's "supreme ruler" we learned from South Park: 75 million years ago, the evil alien brought humans to earth in a spaceship and killed them; the psychic trauma of the event has affected us ever since. The Church of Scientology, embarrassed by the story, has always tried to hide its existence. Until now. The Church has been playing a cat-and-mouse game with YouTubers, getting it removed in many cases; we have the audio of founder L. Ron Hubbard explaining it all, his creepy voice sounding like it's narrating the weirdest Power Point presentation of all time.

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