· We said goodbye to Bernie Mac, yet another untimely casualty of the Billy Bob Thornton Co-Star Curse.
· We also bid farewell to Isaac Hayes and dusted his house for Scientology's fingerprints.
· If it wasn't bees afflicting MGM/UA, then it was the co-owner walking out after two years. Tough week!
· Culture maven Russell Brand and Tropic Thunder screenwriter Etan Cohen nobly fielded a few of our questions.
· Britney Spears's inspiring trip down the comeback trail will surely provide the basis of her mother's next candid child-rearing guide.
· Retard Enemy #1 Tropic Thunder faced premiere protests and network inquisitions.
· If they're just going to fake the Olympics anyway, we might as well get to work on the made-for-Defamer drama The Michael Phelps Story. Here's your star.
· While Christian Bale was cleared of kin-assault, ex-007 George Lazenby vigorously denied his wife's kid-sousing allegations.
· Presumed Clone Wars "crack whore" Ziro the Hutt just turned out to be gay. Sorry about the misunderstanding, Mr. Lucas!
· Tori Spelling soothed her 9021Woe with a helpful dinner-party toilet tutorial.
· Barack Obama texted George Clooney for the appropriate response to a new Obama art exhibit.
· "Anybody remember a screenplay about Rudolph Valentino?"
· You'd think Warner Bros. might tell the corporate cousins at EW they're pushing Harry Potter back before it makes their next cover. Alas.
· If Scarlett Johansson's Tonight Show sex fantasies aren't doing the trick for you, try the ScarJo Threesome Sweepstakes.
· Jeff Zucker and Ben Silverman: The Butch and Sundance of NBC.

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