Last week we floated an absolutely delicious rumor-the sort of inside media gossip that we hope to be known for when future generations are considering our legacy. Specifically, it was the story of the crazy pooping intern. A summer intern at one of the networks, we heard, went on an on-the-job pooping spree, but somehow stayed on and continued her internship through the rest of the summer. Tips have poured in, and it's become clear this is the story of your worst at-work nightmare come to life. Here's how one locked toilet at NBC caused a disaster: The intern was at NBC in New York, at the famous 30 Rock (NBC has not responded to our request for comment). Our tipsters diverge a tiny bit in their details, but all agree that this intern did exist, and she did have quite an accident. They say it all happened on the intern's first day on the job, in June. Apparently, she tried to make a run to the bathroom, but didn't quite get there. One account:
Said intern did in fact shit all over the 18th and 25th floors of 30 Rock. She did it in the hallway, on the floor, on a pile of FedEx boxes, on the way between floors… pretty much everywhere but the bathroom or (hey, sometimes you're desperate) a garbage can. Or a cup. Or a napkin. Or in her hands. No, just streaking through the hallways. And then she took it into that room where she locked herself in and proceeded to wipe (sorry, I couldn't come up with a better word) it on the walls, on the computer, on those same FedEx boxes. It was a shitshow (pun absolutely intended).
One tipster even said that the intern was in a meeting with her boss when the drama occurred. News of it spread quickly throughout the building. What was the reason for the treason? We hear that bad foreign water was blamed:
The intern blamed the mess on bad water that she drank in Israel (although she had been back from her vacation more than 2 weeks before she started). The rumor at NBC is that it was some kind of laxative induced disaster.
The cleaning staff reportedly took care of the mess. But the biggest mystery of all: Why, and how, did said intern get to stay on for the rest of the summer? For one thing, it wasn't her fault: the bathrooms were locked, and she didn't yet have a key. And a general sense of mortification kept everyone quiet:
The bosses did want to fire her but were so shocked that she came back that they were a little scared because, what kind of person does something so gross and then shows up the next day like nothing happened? No one wanted to bring it up again, so she got to stay by default.
This poop story is truly nightmarish. Deep inside, we all harbor a fear that something like this might befall us on the first day at a new job. Nevertheless, this person was able to hold her head up high and continue in what must have been the most snicker-inducing environment imaginable. And with little hope of a good recommendation. Pooping intern: We salute your courage.