Which Actress Hired a Fake Paparazzo To Follow Her Around Town?From yesterday's items, the consensus seems to be that the bitchy celebrity who refused to be photographed unless she was surrounded by other famous people was Madonna. And that actress wife who is abusing her actor hubby? Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. Hah/sad. But, really, who knows! (Oh and that secret gay rapist actor from Monday? Some say Will Smith, others Christian Bale.) Today we have a TV star obsessed with an assistant, a fame-grubbing actress, and an American Idol who might be posing for (gasp!) Playboy. Oh, and, holy crap a ton of items from Michael Musto. 1) "Which TV star has developed an unhealthy crush on his assistant? He bombards her with inappropriate calls day and night, and even tells her about, er, special dreams he is having." [Mirror] 2) "This C/B list television actress on a very hit CBS show is tired of no one paying attention to her. So, she did what any self respecting person would do in her situation. She hired a photographer who now follows her all day in his car and takes shots of her when she gets out, when she shops, shouting her name, drawing attention, whatever he can. He then tries to interest the magazines in buying them. Hasn't really worked well so far as no one ever posts any photos of her or talks about her." [CDaN] 3) "This American Idol top 5 alum is thisclose to posing for a Playboy shoot in order to get her career back in gear again. Waiting in the wings? An alum from the same year who will only get the green light if the other alum passes on the deal." [CDaN] 4) "Do you think the fact that this funnyman has an assistant who is a coke fiend and will sleep with anyone had an effect on the breakup of his marriage?" [CDaN] 5) "Which local drag star only tops for the hottest guys? (And she gets them, honey.)" 6) "What designer's ex-boyfriend has a shady habit of trying to sneak the condom off in the middle of sex? Should he be arrested for attempted mass murder?" 7) "What local oddity, who's exceedingly large of penis, recently kept promising me future bouts of sex while more urgently milking me for tips on what fabulous parties there were to go to that week?" 8) "Who stopped e-mailing him back? Which Olympics star is rumored-and only by complete crazies, mind you-to have cut off his wee-wee so he can swim faster? Wouldn't it have been a lovely oar?" 9) "Which candidate's wife, when greeted at an invitational dinner by a designer from her hometown, looked completely stonefaced and couldn't even muster the slightest bit of charm or human connection? Did she forget she regularly shops at the store that designer is featured at?" 10) "Which late modeling titan once said of a future superstar, "I don't sign midgets," and of another closeted one, "He's too ethnic"?" 11) "Which faded action hero once crapped in the shower of a Vegas casino just because he could? (No shit!)" 12) "Which ex–child star was begged by that woozy actress to take the three-way out of her book, but got to keep it in after she threatened to put in far more damaging things?" 13) "Which young TV actress turned chick-bonding-type-movie ensemble player is supposedly so dumb she couldn't find her name on her own birth certificate if she had to?" 14) "Which toupée-wearing comic has been known to murmur, "Horny, horny, horny" in clubs while pointing at cute boys for his handlers to bring over for seduction?" 15) "Which designer is so cheap that once, instead of hiring a fitting model, she used an intern with scoliosis? Does she wonder why that line looked a little off?" 16) "What teen who was on a soap opera vividly remembers the married male 'throb of the show ringing her for attempted booty calls?" 17) "Which TV weatherman (no, not that one) broke up with an emotionally abusive boyfriend who used to berate him for being too femmy?" 18) "Which famous blogger was pitched an item by a New York daily paper's writer and responded: 'How about if the [New York daily paper] does a feature on me?'?" 19) "What heavy-metal rocker stayed true to his taste by lodging at a glamorous Holiday Inn in Jersey when he had business to do in New York?" 20 "Which abrasive royalty type from a reality show was unshockingly seen doing copious amounts of blow in a tacky nightclub? Might that explain her annoying energy level?" 21) "Which ex-discovery of that 50-year-old pop star responded to new photos of another of her ex-discoveries by saying: 'He looks beat up'?" 22) "Which same guy admits to people in clubs, "I could suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick" in between choruses of "I'm high, high, high"? (And probably horny, horny, horny.)" 23) "Which '80s sitcom diva once called the show's head writer to say of her most problematic co-star: 'We have to stop calling her a cunt. She is now officially megacunt!'?" 24) "Which manic screen comic regularly has cast members gather 'round to watch his rushes and likes them to scream with laughter over how utterly brilliant he is?" 25) "Which downtown dealer/personality no longer counts Heath Ledger as one of her clients? Is that why she seems to be in hiding?" 26) "Which famous twin not only looks homeless, she has a distinct body odor about her too, a scent some feel is based on sheer arrogance?" 27) "Speaking of which, what Broadway website editor often takes two to three weeks to answer business e-mails and then barely responds with any concrete information anyway? (When you bitch to him about this, he doesn't respond at all.)" 28) "Which Ben Franklin look-alike on the scene once offered someone $500 if she'd let him touch her penis, but the problem was she didn't have one?" 29) "Which smash comedy writer-director has a long history of 'borrowing' jokes from anyone else who's gotten a laugh with them?" 30 "Which image guru changed his own look by losing weight and shaving off his hair, then was horrified to find people were gossiping about whether he had cancer?" 31) "Which pop tart's dad has had more legal woes than the public knows about, dating back to various forms of fraud and other icky business?" 32) "Which rock star's wife recently went into a department store and started her purchasing experience by saying to the personal shopper: 'Do you know who I am?' (That's obnoxious, but probably not as bad as the more familiar 'Don't you know who I am?')" 33) "Which late tycoon would, with typical suaveness, tell people about his legendary wife: 'No one sucks dick like she does!'? Did his penis shoot oil?" 34) "What romantic lead of a Lindsay Lohan film has such little improvisational skill that in the middle of sex with a guy, he once blurted: 'Fuck me, you big, uh, nelly queen!'?" 35) "Which late comedy legend slipped out an anti-gay joke on the air, but two of his children-a daughter and a son-happen to be totally that way?" 36) "Which old-time actress (who starred in a Twilight Zone) has gleefully carpet-munched with the daughter?" [5-26 from Michael Musto]