Aug 21, 2008 01:55 PM
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Hollywood, 4:50 AM
Wed Feb 10
56 posts in the last 24 hours
So, remember that blind item from Monday about the "hunk in a summer movie" who is secretly gay and violent and awful and sneaked into his boyfriend's house and raped him? It's one of the crazier blind items we've read, and has been the Talk of the Internet (the whole internet! even Alex Balk is intrigued!) this week, with people desperately trying to figure out which star is Just Like Us. I mean, not like us. The opposite of us. Out of the dense fog of speculation, three clear candidates have emerged: Christian Bale, Will Smith, and (gasp!) James Franco.
Christian Bale could be the gay rapist because he already murdered his mother then salted the earth so no other moms could grow. Plus we don't know much about his personal life other than that he's married. You know, to a lady. Still, doesn't mean he's not a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding, friend of Dorothy. The scuttlebutt around the big celebrity weeklies is that it was the American Psycho who committed the heinous act.
It could be Will Smith who got non-consensually jiggy because gay rumors have plagued him for years, reaching a fever pitch as fellow possible-'mo Tom Cruise led him (by which body part??!) into the dank recesses of Scientology—a supermarket checkout rack religion often thought to be a celebrity haven for gaydom and tax dodging. Plus he played a homosexual gay person in a movie once! The violence stuff would be news to me, but who knows what roiling darkness lurks in the heart of the Fresh Prince? Plus this guy says it was Will, though he implies that it was just rough sex play, not rape.
And then there's the compelling case of James Franco. Basically the rumor is that Franco dated the guy about two years ago, and still had a key to his house. Guy goes to an Oscars party, comes back and Franco is waiting for him and then awfulness goes down. He's rumored to have been abusive towards an old girlfriend, also an actor, some five years ago. This makes me sad because James Franco is dreamy and oh if he were gay we'd surely be married next spring, but if he's a raper then I don't want anything to do with him and he should be in jail. So. Boo. I dunno. He does do a wicked James Dean, who, as we know, was a buggerer. Plus, he's leaving the leggy blond bimbos of Los Angeles to go to writing school in New York. That's pretty geigh.
So who do you think it is? Take our Very Important Poll below and weigh in on this highly galvanizing matter. (And don't say anything stupid in the comments... it's a 'Mo News Day.)
Send an email to Richard Lawson, the author of this post, at richardl@gawker.com.
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