Have you ever been at a birthday party for a girl whose brother and brother's girlfriend you absolutely hate and then those two people showed up and sort of smirked and said awkward things and you felt so slighted (how dare she invite her brother to her birthday party??) that you abruptly left the party—and your camera crew—behind? Oh, right. That only happens on a show like 
Aug 26, 2008 11:29 AM
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Have you ever been at a birthday party for a girl whose brother and brother's girlfriend you absolutely hate and then those two people showed up and sort of smirked and said awkward things and you felt so slighted (how dare she invite her brother to her birthday party??) that you abruptly left the party—and your camera crew—behind? Oh, right. That only happens on a show like The HIlls, which vacillates between nothing happening and very little happening. And last night, on the second episode of the MTV reality show's fourth season, just that very little happened.
Spencer—enemy of Lauren and "separation of face and beard color" activists—and his dim assistant Heidi stormed the gates of his sister Spencerina's birthday party, much to the chagrin of his sworn enemy Lauren. (Spencer later opined that the two sides were like Iran and Israel in their potential for ever getting along. Pessimist! Also "if there are two ships, that's jumping ship.") Oh and his former bromancer Brody seemed real upset too as he said he just wanted to "have fun and party" rather than sit there with his long lost fried and feel sad. Spencerina tried to suppress her "look all this drama is about meeeee" gleeful grin, and her helium-filled birthday balloons bobbed in the air, occasionally bumping into one another. A metaphor for the entire show, really.
Elsewhere Whitney continued to succeed at work, where she is some sort of assistant something-or-other to the terrifically scary Kelly Cutrone. That poor girl Jessica from last season, the one who couldn't seem to get anything right, was (sob!) fired, and now Whitney will live a bi-coastal life as the successor to the position. So good for Whitney and good for MTV's possible Whitney spin-off. Bad for poor Jessica—though did anyone else notice what looked like Jessica winking to Kelly after the fearsome PR maven gave her a thorough chewing out at the company dinner? Maybe she's got some sweet back-end deal set up. Or, you know, maybe she was just twitching, realizing she'd soon be fired and forgotten.
Lo continues to be insanely evil, purring to Lauren on the way to the club that only the people "who matter" are getting along with their third roommate, Audrina. We're not exactly sure what her effing problem is with Audy, though it might just be the role she was cast in. "Hey Lo, you doing anything down there in Laguna? No? OK, well how's about you come on up to LA and act like a bitch. We'll give you twenty grand a week." Who would say no to that?
And I don't know. Did anything else happen? Doug the Burrito Heir showed up to the party and acted beefy and Lauren ended the episode by saying that she maybe doesn't quite trust Spencerina. Because, again, who dares invite their brother to their own birthday party? Even if powerful TV people command you to do so. Just outrageous.
Send an email to Richard Lawson, the author of this post, at richardl@gawker.com.
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