You stuck in New York doing, like, real work while your colleagues party it up in Denver? You jealous? Well honestly, man up. Because you can just keep on partying like usual while they are all stuck going to lame sponsored bullshit parties in Denver. Our man in Denver reports that the Planned Parenthood party was massively overbooked, the GQ/Maker's Mark party was unexciting, and apparently the party featuring Bill Maher was lame. Yes, but what about the awesome schwag, you're probably not saying! According to Wonkette, it's dismal. Something called "Joint Juice" seems to be the highlight. But there's also hand sanitizer and a free ringtone card! Seriously, why do people go to this? Are journalists so bored and nerdy that the prospect of a hotel party in Denver excites them? It is like the School Band Trip of the National Press Corps, isn't it? We got a better schwag bag at some weird Time Out party we went to this month. It had condoms and Stuff White People Like. We have no use for either of those things but it's still better than Post-It notes!