New 'Tarzan' To Have Biggest Vines Ever!· Noted shlockteur Stephen Sommers will write and direct Warner Bros.'s splashy Tarzan remake, set to push the flimsy-loincloth envelope further than any version to come before. [Variety] · Ravenous Spanish pantry-pirate Gwyneth Paltrow has hopped aboard a space skiff and escaped the CAA Death Star, having signed on with UTA on Tuesday afternoon. The direct implications this has upon your day-to-day lives should be negligible. [Variety] · Ted Danson has been cast in HBO comedy pilot Bored to Death, playing the "pompous but articulate magazine editor" mentor to Jason Schwartzman's "struggling Brooklyn writer with a drinking problem." [THR] · The Wonder Years writer-producer Bob Brush has been given a very strings-attached pilot order of Lost in the '80s, pitched as what happens when "Fast Times at Ridgemont High meets The Ice Storm," then sleeps with The Ice Storm's best friend Square Pegs, accidentally getting her pregnant and producing a son named Ordinary People. [THR] · Surprise! SAG and the AMPTP are fighting. The latest: SAG sent a 12-page letter to members outlining their problems with the producers' final offer, which they characterize as "one-sided and filled with misrepresentations." [THR]