Packing their bindles, cutting the fingers off their gloves, and can-opener-ing the tops of their top hats, the family of humble talk show host Oprah Winfrey is desperately heading for the boxcars, which they'll ride to the sweet misty mysterious hills of West Virginia to live as vagabond hill-hobos until their whimsical, harmonica-tuned, moonshine-soaked deaths. Yes the family is in financial ruin, as evidenced by their being sued by a Wisconsin clothing store over an unpaid $155,000 debt run up by Winfrey's mother, Vernita Lee. She was supposed to pay in $2000 increments, but she didn't for some reason. Why this is remotely news—because surely Winfrey could take off one of her sensible loafers and shake out that much in Sacagaweas and settle this unseemly matter right away—is kind of beyond us, but at least it's not politics!