See, aw, now I think that is sort of cute. I didn't know people got tattoos on their digits, but apparently some AP photographer did and zoomed in on the "Bristol" tat on Levi Johnston's ring finger, and now the Huffington Post deems this somehow newsworthy, probably because it provides irrefutable evidence against the scurrilous rumor Levi was not ready for a lifetime commitment to the knocked-up daughter of the Republican vice presidential nominee. He already made one! Which brings me to: are the Pregos of Palingrad just revealing the media to be the "real" rednecks as my colleague Sheila put it because we are actually all, deep down, kind of trashy? You'll note that media attention has shifted from the "decidedly Alaskan" aspects of the Palin Family White Trash Suite Of Signifiers to focus on three more familiar, Kid Rockian elements of their inimitable Red American charm.
1. THE CHEW: Levi was chewing something last night on the podium last night. The Mother Superiors of the mainstream media assumed it was gum, but savvy insiders suspected it might be dipping tobacco Skoal. Of course, how would the media elites even know about Skoal? Because they'd been beaten up by some dude who dipped, maybe. That or they used to use it to make themselves throw up their food. In any case, I actually grew up literally "inside the Beltway"; indeed I sampled my first Skoal wintergreen smokeless tobacco while working at a swimming pool "inside the Beltway" and I have to say, it was kind of cool, and it doesn't cause emphysema! Which makes its users less of a burden on the American health care system than smokers like us.
2. THE TATS: I don't know what that font in which Bristol is inscribed is called, but it looks like a cross between the Barbie font and the font I'll just refer to as the "Universal Mall Kiosk Airbrush Unusually Large T-Shirt" font. That font, like tattoos themselves, unites us all.
3. THE ON-THE-GO-GROOMING Look, perhaps it isn't the classiest thing to style one's hair with saliva. But we've all done worse! When I don't have time to shampoo, I use baby powder in mine! And remember how Carolyn Bessette Kennedy used to talk about taking a Puerto Rican bath when she didn't have time to bathe? I know, I know, you know Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and Piper Palin is no Carolyn Bessette Kennedy, but consider this: Carolyn is dead because her Richie Rich husband just needed to fly that cool private plane of his. And as we all learned yesterday, Sarah Palin sold her private plane on eBay!