"Negative calorie" foods like celery, which reputedly burns more energy chewing than it actually contains, are the dieter's holy grail. So now a soft drink company is making the enticing claim that "Celsius"—super-caffeinated, vitamin and chemical-laced—burns 100 calories per can, meaning you can lose weight merely by sitting on your ass sucking down soda. "The beverage ramps up the body's metabolism," it's promised, "allowing those who consume it to stoke their calorie-burning furnaces."
Of course, naysayers point out that too much caffeine is bad for you: "The consumer needs to be aware that they are paying a health price and risk for using these drinks," warns one nutritionist. "Is the health risk of drinking three cans worth a pound of weight loss per week?" Since swallowing one Celsius is said to burn about the same number of calories as running a mile, we think the answer to that is all too obvious.