Despite being paced a bit too frenetically for our liking, last week's two-hour debut of the 90210 reboot managed to intrigue us enough to tune in for last night's episode (although it appears that 25% of those first week viewers didn't feel the same way). And while the new brood of West Beverly High School students still can't stop smiling, we couldn't help but find ourselves smiling a little bit during the episode's (admittedly shoehorned-in) plotlines revolving around Kelly Taylor. Suckers for nostalgia, rejoice! Last night, we finally got some details about her mystery four year old son, the product of a one night splash-off with someone who she "had a lot of history together [with] in high school" (but has since left her high and dry). Join us as we investigate the eight likeliest candidates for being the dude whose little swimmers got all up in Kelly Taylor's biznass.
8. David Silver - Yes, there was a time when he wanted to get in her pants. But, considering that the semi-incestuous angle was too bold for Cruel Intentions, we think it's definitely too much for the fledgling CW. 7. Colin Robbins - Two words: coke dick. Ain't happening. 6. Nat Bussichio - While we're aware that Madonna famously proclaimed that "Italians Do It Better", Nat's been too busy trying to figure out how to use his capuccino machine to knock Kelly up. Plus, he doesn't seem like the type who would sell out his good buddy Brandon. 5. Noah Hunter - The heir to a massive oil fortune had a good thing going near the end of the original 90210's run, but by this point, he's more likely to be boning Sienna Miller than getting back together with Kelly.
4. Jake Hanson - Tall, dark and handsome, Jake originally pursued the then high school aged Kelly in the series' third show. That said, he's got to be like Larry King's age by now. 3. Brandon Walsh - The two almost walked down the aisle. If we lived in a fictional universe, this would be our #1 choice. But recent comments lead us to believe that Jason Priestley would sooner star in a Unabomber biopic than return to the set of 90210 as an actor. 2. Dylan McKay - "May the bridges I burn lead the way!", he famously proclaimed while riding out of Beverly Hills on a Harley, which leads us to believe that he'd do it again. He seems like just the type who would promise to pull out, only to renege when it counts. But then there's... 1. Steve Sanders - Just look at that kid! Blond, curly ringlets? Check. Big, dumb grin? Check. Oh Steve Sanders, you ole bareback rider, you! If the kid had blue eyes, we'd say it's a lock. Also, don't forget that Ian Ziering was fame hungry enough to appear on Dancing With The Stars, so you just KNOW that he would head back to West Bev in a heartbeat. Give him a five episode arc at $35 - 50K per episode and we'll have ourselves a nostalgia trip that just might keep The CW alive.
- 90210 [The CW]