Budding authors: give up right now. Lauren Conrad, the pleasantly vacant star of scripted reality show The Hills, just got a three-book deal with HarperCollins for young adult novels. The topic? Use your imagination: it'll be about a girl who moves to Los Angeles and "unexpectedly" ends up starring in a reality show. It will be called L.A. Candy. It will "definitely influenced by [her] own life," as she told People. It will be the best YA series of all time. [Usmagazine; illustration: The New Yorker]

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