• Murdoch was tested along with his 99-year-old mother. Murdoch's young wife Wendi said the News Corporation chairman will basically live forever, ha ha haters! "[Wendi Murdoch] was pleased by results that showed Mr. Murdoch had inherited a gene from his mother associated with the heart, and that she is still hale. (His father died of a heart attack at 67.)"
  • Ivanka Trump: "I have a very low chance of becoming obese. That makes me exceedingly happy." So deep!
  • Jared Kushner, owner of the Observer and Trump's boyfriend: "Ms. Trump said he had not shared his results with her. Asked if she would ditch a suitor if he had unfavorable genetics, she said: 'That’s a tough question. I’m going to say no.' She paused. 'It depends on what came up though.'" So steadfast!
  • Barry Diller: Can't roll his tongue! So sad.

The genetic-testing company that threw the party, 23andMe, was founded by Anne Wojcicki, wife of Google co-founder Sergey Brin. It's backed by Wendi Murdoch and movie mogul Harvey Weinstein.

Weinstein was at the party but apparently didn't talk about his test results. We'd lay a 10-spot there's some gorilla and maybe even hyena DNA in the large, hairy, screaming alpha male's system, though.