Though newly minted Extra host Mario Lopez may appear squeaky-clean, longtime readers of Defamer will remember the oh-so-smooth skeleton in his closet: Chesthairgate! Caught in a terrible lie about whether or not he shaves his chest (who can forget the plaintive Star magazine commenter "chris," who said, "He talks about how religious he is, and has such a strong faith. Excuse me...since when is not being honest ok?"), Lopez suddenly found his most valuable physical asset the object of intense scrutiny. Now, as he ascends to the position of respected celebutainment anchorman, a cruel Lopez is threatening to take his smooth, smooth toys and go home:
"My shirtless photo-shoot days are behind me," Mario Lopez tells PEOPLE in a bitter blow to beefcake. "My TV projects are my main priority," he says. "And no, you will never see me host Extra without a shirt." Still, to every rule there's an exception – in this case, Nip/Tuck. Lopez says he is "thrilled" to be reprising the role of Dr. Mike Hamoui on the cable series, with Dr. Mike moving to Los Angeles – where he can once again gain the attention of the ab-admiring Dr. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) in the locker room. "A small spoiler," says Lopez. "Dr. Mike might not be taking anymore showers at the gym with Christian, but he will lose his shirt."
Thank God: a reprieve! America, did we even know what we had before it had been briefly lost? From now on, no one is to ask questions in the rare event that Lopez goes barechested, lest the skittish actor be moved to cover up. Like a beautiful, Naired deer that could be spooked by the merest side-by-side Photoshop, Lopez is not ours any longer. He belongs to the wild.