Mad Men is collecting dust on my DVR queue. There I admit it. I've fallen like three or four episodes behind. It's not that I don't like it. I do! It's wonderful (if slightly, horribly depressing)! It's just that I have so much television to watch for work. And, unfortunately, Mr. Hamm & co., it's not going to get any better. A spate of reality shows—some old, some new—will soon be tumbling out of the gate and into our living rooms. Many of these shows, sadly, feature layabout socialites like Olivia Palermo and Kelly Killoren Bensimon. I've compiled a little rundown of these shows for you after the jump because, well, who doesn't like a Monday listicle.
In Which Blood Bubbles Up Through The Cracks Of New York City Streets Real Housewives of New York City is not new. It premiered to horrified lookers on last year, its particular brand of gonzo nouveau riche tackiness eventually wooing viewers close to its leathery bosom. Now it's filming again, with a new "housewife" called Kelly Killoren Bensimon who films little internet movies with famous people in the Hamptons. No word yet on when the new season will begin but, again, they are filming. A tipster tells us: "I live VERY close to Alex and Simon of Real Housewives (I see them daily) and they were filming ALL weekend. I was most excited to see Jill Zarin there, happily chatting with Alex. I noted that Alex changed her outfit multiple times over the course of a day. Simon enjoys smoking outside with the crew."
In Which The Blood Seeps Under Doors, Into Homes and Shops, Threatening to Drown Small Dogs and Children We warned you about this long ago, and now it seems to have become a reality (hardee harrr). Whitney Port, the dove-eyed and ghostlike silent observer from MTV's Los Angeles dream ballet The Hills, is currently working for the tremendously scary fashion PR guru Kelly Cutrone, which brings her and her cameras! to New York City. Yes, she's filming a show, rumored to be called The City, about her trials and travails in this biggest of rotten crab apples. Joining her on the carefully moderated ride will be Olivia Palermo, the confusing socialite who does something having to do with fashion sometimes. Fellow socialite Inevitably Emily Brill does not approve. Palermo's people have denied her involvement, but The Brills seems fairly convinced that she is. Sigh.
In Which The Blood Gets In the Elevator Of the Empire State Building and Lurches, Ominously, To the Top As reported earlier by the Guest of a Guest, a new show called Social Heights will soon be leaving us bleary eyed and irrationally afraid of door knobs and streetlamps. It's to star various society types like socialgay and PR ninny Kristian Laliberte and friend of reality-TV hating Emily Brill Devorah Rose. Ms. Brill was approached at one point to be on this show, formerly titled 10021, but she eventually turned it down. The ins and outs of getting this stupid thing off the ground are probably more "interesting" than any of the tiresome plotlines the producers could ever hope to come up with. Either way, fellow socialgay Micah Jesse sits in a corner and sulks.
In Which the Blood Oozes Out of the Elevator and Precariously Close to the Edge... We just don't really know what's going on with Julia Allison's reality show. The former Star editor-at-large and current fancy apartment-haver and her two Weird Sister buddies, "tech geek" Megan Asha and Fulbright scholar Mary Rambin, recently started NonSociety, an internet amalgamation of their Tumblr musings and various photo and video diary entries. Supposedly this is all being turned into a reality show for Bravo, which may or may not be subsidizing Ms. Allison's apartment. It's all terribly confusing and I'm not really sure these girls are actually considered "socialites," but whatever; they're pretty and have money and people seem to sorta pay attention when they do things. Again, sigh.
In Which the Blood Spills Over, Set to Rain Down and Destroy the City's Populace, Until a Bright Yellow Umbrella Catches It All and Protects Us Forever Tinsley Mortimer and her indefatigable (if exasperated) housekeeper Guadalupe get a reality show in which they putter around the house and say funny things, Tinsley tells long rambling stories to the camera, and they go on various car trips. In one episode they go to Vermont to "see the exfoliage" as Tinz puts it, and she ends up getting stuck in an apple tree. The credits roll while Guadalupe pokes at the tree with a stick, trying to shake the socialite and handbag designer loose. (OK, so this one is made up. But it would be amazing, I think. You know, if Guadalupe existed. Get on it, Tinsley!)