After taking two months off from her Myspace blog (but not her Twitter), Oscar-winning leopard print fan Diablo Cody returned to the medium yesterday — but this was not to be some simple homecoming. Cody had a bone to pick with fans who she sensed had begun to reject the cool, refreshing taste of Sunny D in favor of a nice, tall glass of Haterade, and the Juno screenwriter wasn't about to suffer their attacks in silence. Instead, in a post entitled "Hello Again! (Starring Shelly Long)," Cody decided to get something off her chest (and it wasn't whipped cream):
I may have won 19 awards that you don't feel I earned, but it's neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you're not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved Arrested Development! Aren't we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks? Hey, let's go bitch about how Black Kids are overrated!)
Much, much more, after the jump:
I'm sorry that while you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money. I get why you're bitter. I took exactly one film class in college and— with the curious exception of the Douglas Sirk unit-it bored the shit out of me. I also once got busted for loudly crinkling a bag of Jujubes during a classroom screening of Vivre Sa Vie. I don't deserve to be here. We've established that. But I'm here. Five million 12-year-olds think I'm Buck Henry. Accept it. (Incidentally, if you were me for one day you'd crumble like fucking Stilton. I am better at this than you. You're not strong enough, Film_Fan78. Trust me.) I'm sorry to all those violent, semi-literate fanboys who hate me for befriending their heroes. I can't help it if your favorite writer, actor, director, or talk show host likes me. Maybe you would too, if we actually met. I know my name is fake and that it annoys you. What, do you hate Queen Latifah and Rip Torn, too? Writers and entertainers have been using pseudonyms for years. Chances are, you're spewing bile under an assumed screen name yourself. I'm sorry if you think I'm like some inked-up quasi-Suicide Girl derby cunt from 2002, but I like my fake name. It's engraved on an Oscar. Yours isn't. ...In summation: you try it.
Having finally bitten the heads off her skeptics like a possessed, near-nude Megan Fox, Cody was content, though her example inspired backlashed Garden State auteur Zach Braff to make his own go of it. Resuscitating his long-dormant Xanga with a post entitled, "Hey Ya! (Outkast)," Braff went after the legion of Garden State lovers who had turned on him like a manic pixie dream girl gone fickle. "Does your People's Choice Award nomination say Zach Braff on it?" he wrote. "I don't think so. Laterzzz! (mood: ebullient)" [Photo Credit: AP]