Kenley Schools LL On Hip Hop, Korto's Got A Big Ole Butt

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein. Today I shall be writing about Bravo's Project Runway, much like Mister Hippity did hier. There are only five episodes left in the fifth season. Let's get started. Last night's episode the most interesting episode in Project Runway history. Well, from an ethnomusicology perspective and also from a rear perspective. Let's discard with pretense. Korto has a big ole butt and the many shots of it were among the most satisfying elements of this entire hohum season. Sadly it also smacked of end of the road desperation. Pick something from column A mix with column B and you have a challenge. It's like the The Great Automatic Grammatizator of reality television.

This episode's challenge was two fold: the remaining five contestants were forced to design outfits for each other but also use a musical genre (or gnnnra, as Mr. Gunn pronounced it) as inspiration. All this had the veneer of a stochastic process but in fact must have been calculated to bring shame and dishonor on the house of Kenley. Not that she has a problem bringing it on herself. Laxative for the soul Kenley was forced to design a hip hop outfit for the whitest kid u know Leanne Marshall whilst being dolled up as Britney Spears by Jor-El. Leanne meanwhile dressed Korto up in Kountry while Korto shoehorned Suede in a punk outfit and Suede dressed Jor-El in a rock-inspired outfit. Jor-El made Kenley look like Britney Spears.

The points of obvious glee were premised on two things: black people don't play or like country music so it was innately funny to see Korto dressed up as Dolly Parton and try to line dance. Also Kenley, as a cipher for whiteys everywhere, has no idea what hip hop is. Unfortunately, or fortunately, neither is true. It's also irrelevant structurally that Korto doesn't like country music. She only had to pull off the outfit as a model and Jesuslordchristonacross, she did that with elan. Her ass is like a big oak fireplace mantle and I love it. It's like a funhouse mirror in the best way possible. When she walked down that runway, all the real world exigencies faded to background noise. There was no economic crises anymore, just Korto and her lovely behind. MOVING ON!!!

I think it should suffice to say that Kenley is truly a bad and mean thing. She's disrespectful to Tim which is simply inacceptable. I'm happy he called her out on it. She whines. She's all up in Leanne's bidness and still can't get her jeans in order. She's defensive and dismissive of hip hop and hip hop style. She's hubristic and at the same time provincial. Flowers aren't graffiti, you asshole. You aren't Jesus, hip hop is not oversized and do not—DO NOT—try to argue with LL Cool J because he will knock you out!

Poor Suede, sent home and all dolled up like Chris Gaines at a rave. He didn't deserve to be sent home this episode. It shoulda been Kenley obvi. The vision of rock n' roll that the judges have—-and punk for that matter—is dated and specific. People who dress like how they want rockers to look make bad music. Their names are Scott Weiland. Suede's look was only middling but compared to Kenley's automatic hip-enhancing shitpile of an outfit, it was revolutionary.

Although he's gone, at least Suede can console himself that he's off what has become the Waiting for Guffman of fashion television. He'll go on to be slightly less ridiculous and certainly less debased in the real world and we wish him the best. In Suede's ridiculous 3rd person disassociation, his occasional/frequent bad choices, his faux-hawk and his pasty jowls, there is at least humanity. We all have a face that we hide away forever. Some are silk, some are satin, some are Suede and some are leather. They're the faces of the stranger but we love to try them on.

Below, I've compiled some relevant musical clips. Except the last one which is just one of my favorite songs.
A Musical Selection
"Texas Medley" Charley Pride and Johnny Cash

"Country Girl" Rissi Palmer

"Buffalo Stance" Neneh Cherry

"Big Ole Butts" LL Cool J

"Slither" Velvet Revolver

"It Hurts me Too" Karen Dalton