- From Nesbiteme in McCain Bails On First Debate: "Oh, I thought McCain postponed this Friday's debate with Obama so he could hang upside down with David Blaine in Central Park, because that is less lame then the crazy-ass excuse he gave."
- From Nic Fit in Read These Stories To Figure Out What's Going On: "Sarah Palin lives near a bank, maybe she can solve this thing."
- From tammyfey in Global Media Sours On David Blaine's Half Ass Stunt: "Against all common sense, for the next two days, for five days after that, and for hundreds of consecutive weeks thereafter, I will leave my natural environment every morning, penetrate the surface of the earth, place myself into a crowded metal tube, then emerge into a tower completely sealed from the outside world and sit, practically motionless, among strangers while I stare at a light-emitting device for approximately 8 hours. I will then place myself again into the metal tube, return to my recovery pod, ingest solid and liquid matter and inhale smoldering herbs in an attempt to gain the strength to perform the same feat, the very next day. It is an almost unbearable test of endurance."
- From Private Hangnail in Clay Aiken, Broadway Star and American Idol Reveals Shocking Gayness: "This is about as shocking as when observable phenomena lead to logical conclusions."
- From BK_KT in Because It's Friday: "I hate when people have to ask what to be for Halloween. Clearly you're an idiot with no imagination. And no, 'Pink Slut' does not count as an original idea."
- Your Party Pick for this week goes to Truculent in InTouch Celebrates Dave Navarro's Tasteful Murder Art: "The irony loops around itself over and over, creating a hipster black hole of douchiness"
Lots of terrible, awful things happened this week. So it's a credit to your moxie, spirit, and dedication as commenters that you guys did not suspend your duties. You soldiered on and made fun of things that are, in truth, terribly troubling and possibly world-changing. So good on you! After the jump we'll celebrate our (and your) six favorite distracting comments from these most troubling five days.