Weird "billionaire" "financier" Jeffrey Epstein is in jail right now, for soliciting prostitution. The guy loved sexy massages from underaged girls, and so his jet-set lifestyle is now a bit less jet-setty. No more private planes and hanging out with Kevin Spacey. But prison's not so terrible! The Smoking Gun reports: "During his first three months in jail, the 55-year-old massage enthusiast has spent about $1250 on a wide variety of snacks (moon pies, BBQ chips, cheddar cheese squeezers) and skin care products (Lubriderm, hand lotion, and petroleum jelly)." Attached: one of his commissary receipts! Epstein seems to be buying a lot of extra things, presumably for use as barter. Because of the stock market, you know. And because of prison. [TSG]

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