Remember when John Edwards got a couple of $400 haircuts and everyone made fun of him and called him a spendthrift pretty boy? Rush Limbaugh said he might be the "first woman president"! Har har! (And, remember, when Edwards slept with that lady and maybe had a love child and how the hair didn't seem like such a big deal after all?) Well, Edwards, in truth, isn't the only of the recent candidates to undergo special, fancy, or expensive cosmetic treatment. Sarah Palin maybe has lip tattoos! John McCain has the same makeup artist as Clay Aiken! Joe Biden maybe gets Botox! And Barack Obama... um... covers up his gray hair? Indeed. If you're curious to know more, we've put together a little compendium of these bits of cosmetic detritus for you, after the jump.
Sarah Palin's Bridge To Beauty Wonkette received a tip that the Alaskan governor once got lip liner tattooed on her face, according to a lady from a Wasilla, AK styles salon. The HuffPo picked up on the story and analyzed some photos. It looked legit to them so they put it to a poll. America decided, with a 45% majority, that the pittbull's lipstick was indeed inked. It's pretty compelling stuff, though not more so than the governor's obvious use of the Topsy Tail hairstyling device. I didn't know those even existed anymore. If I find out that she uses a Flowbee too, I might start liking her. Oh and then, heh, there was also that $30,000 governor's mansion tanning bed.
Yeah Dawg, Your Makeup Is Off The Chain, Senator McCain Hey that rhymed, Randy! Yes, far eclipsing Edwards' Little Lord Fauntleroy haircuts is the Arizonan senator's shameful $5,500 makeup habit. Evidently he has Tifanie White under his employ, who has done the cosmetic work on the hit singing competition (the neighborhood kids tell me), American Idol. Which makes sense. He can be as gurgly and not-make-sensey as Paula Abdul, as silly and shallow as Randy, and is often grumpy, like Simon. Though we've not heard his singing (yet!), we can imagine that he'd blow it out the box, in the style of fellow Arizonan and American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, on "I (Who Have Nothing... But Like Ten Houses)".
Delaware Are Your Wrinkles, Joe? Say it ain't so! The Post went slinking off to a plastic surgeon the other day, and showed him photos of Senator Biden from a couple of years ago compared with photos of the dude at last Thursday night's
big dance debate. "Yes, absolutely, and I would bet my next paycheck," the doctor said when asked if Joey had gotten some Botox on the foreheadal region of his upper face plate (medicine!). Which is fine. If you want to inject botulism into your face, you should be free to do so. And that's what Joe Biden is all about, dammit. Joe Biden says so, and Joe Biden brought you this message.
Masai Gray Much has been made of Obama's perpetually graying hair. Though, to us, his coif seems to have brightened a bit lately. His stylist or whatever denies ever having dyed. I'd wager that more gray might make him look a little less cubbish, a mite more authoritative. Obama's relative youth works for him on some occasions, but if he looks a little more long in the tooth, maybe people will associate him with experience, thus voting for him. Because if there's one thing you can say about America, it's that we respect our elders.