The men of America simply do not appreciate the virtues of lotion. Nivea Men sold just 15,000 bottles last year nationwide, compared with 6 million for the lady version of Nivea. So consumer products giant Unilever is determined to show males just how critical a role lubricating skin products can have in their lives. It created Vaseline Men, because the standard version of the petroleum jelly is apparently just too feminine. And it's touting the product using a football defensive end, promises involving "performance and endurance" and ads "emphasizing skin's... strength and thickness," the Times reports. Sounds pretty hot. Marketingwise. Also, there's this incredible testimonial, which you should repeat in front of the mirror, every morning, forever:

The company decided to position lotion as almost a performance enhancer:

If my skin is strong, then I can perform and do things that I want to do in life,” [Unilever's Srini] Sripada said.

Way to create a market, Unilever!

(Photo by La Fondinto on Flickr)