• Hey, what a miserable week. Like, for the markets. All the markets. We blame the media! Ha ha, just kidding, we blame fatcats (well, some of us blame fatcats). Actually we're kinda tossing blame around pretty freely. But we couldn't do it without you! Nor could we do it with you but these people might.
• We learned how the candidates stay so pretty and how Arianna Huffington stays so unmuddied. (Mostly. Sorta.)
• We learned that you still should probably not seek a career in journalism. But it's a fine time to make that career failure into a positive (for us, not for you).
• Oh, there was a debate, or something. Between Maverick and THAT ONE. We didn't like it because no one addressed the needs of middle class bloggers.
• We took on Hip Hop Weekly! And Julia Allison took on herself!
• What year is it? And which movie is it? One of these maybe?
• Are you smarter than a fifth grade vice presidential candidate? Oh, yeah? Really? Then where is your money, loser?
• Here is your "Friday Night Festival of Failure" topic: New Depression Playlist! There is no Muxtape anymore, and we are too broke to afford "mp3s," so after the jump we are just listing some punny suggestions from our own Gaby, Queen of Law. Add your own!

November Drain
Here Comes the Slump
You Don't Give Me Your Money
We All Live in a Red Subprime Bad Dream
You Can't Always Get What You Want
Uncomfortably Numb
Sorted for C's bad Biz
(When Will We Get) Back to Black?
I Can't Get No (Credit Action)
Hesitating Duty
Ain't No Fundline
Let the Bad Times Roll
Dole With It
Heart of Lead
Are You Jobless Tonight?
In the Get No
Selling On the River
Golden Slumpers
Carry That Deadweight
When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Fuck Off
I Shot the Bailiff
Girls Just Want to Have Funds
Northern Rock'n'roll Suicide
Graphite is a Girl's Best Friend
Bronzefinger
Immaterial Girl
Downtown Drain
Hello Cruel World
Say Oh No, Save Goodbye
Bad Karma Coming Lehman
Paulson Prison Blues
Bailhouse Rock
Golden Frown
Now I Give a Fuck
Going Back to Harlem
Not a Penny to My Name
You Look Like Crap Tonight
The Red Letter
One Two Three No More
All My Dime is Gone

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.