As if finding an actual gay companion in real life wasn't hard enough, now a bunch of celebrities are just pretending to be gay, the country of Australia complains. You know the types, the Anne Heches and the Lindsay Lohans (so some suggest at least. We kinda believe that one.) They're calling this trend—because we must name trends, always, silly mashup titles and puns and the like because to name one's enemy is to know it—"fauxmosexual." Or, in the case of the above examples, "celesbians." And people are arguing that all of this pointless "are they, aren't they?" speculation is damaging for the little ones:
"Experimentation is healthy — what it leads to can sometimes be a great thing, but you need to wonder what effect [fake lesbians] are having on women," said Mr Duggan, co-founder of gay and lesbian site SameSame. "Women who pretend to be lesbians do it to titillate men. "The current trend of gay acceptance is a Trojan horse: on the surface it's 'wow, isn’t it great, it's being talked about', but it's not real acceptance — it's a titillating, easy-on-the-eyes acceptance." Online gay forums are abuzz with talk of the "bogus lesbian" craze, with some questioning whether the trend is putting real homosexuals at risk. "Where do these fauxmosexual fads leave queer teens once they're packed away in the cupboard (with other fads)?," user timbo84 wrote. "The statistic of 30 percent of teen suicides in the US being gay or lesbian teens is very distressing. "Here's hoping pop culture moves on to focus on people like Ellen and Ian McKellen and not those who are just 'out' to make a buck!"
Which, yes! We agree with. But is it not, also, a bit presumptuous to assume that Lilo, for example, is faking it? How the hell do we know one way or the other? More in tune with the right vein of this argument, they name Katy Perry, with her Jill Sobule rip-off song "I Kiss a Girl," as a culprit in all of this too. I definitely concur on that one. "Look boyyyssss look what I diiiiid. Oh, sorry dyke. The boys are paying attention now. Scram." That kind of thing is gross without question, and we know she's actually straight because she says as much in the song. (And I'm not going to turn this into some boring argument for by-any-means-necessary progress—"we'll take the bad as long as some good comes shambling along with it!"—so don't worry.) But I think the bigger problem here is, yes, that naming of trends. We must kill it. Which means we must know it. Which means we must name it. Trending? Are people who constantly name trends called Fadicals? What? What?? Tell me.