We (and you) were none too pleased when Ben Lyons joined Ben Mankiewicz as the host for At the Movies earlier this year, particularly when we considered Lyons' track record as something of a half-wit Richard Roeper to Mankiewicz's low-rent Roger Ebert. And while Mankiewicz has settled in relatively well in the last six weeks, we continue to cringe at the sight and sound of Lyons fluffing away at Hollywood loins in his blurb-fertile reviews. Still, we knew he was a hack; what we didn't know (at least to the extent we do today) was the garish, staggering extent of his starfucking.By "starfucking" we mean more than just dating Whitney Port (which, let's be honest, is more like "radar-blipfucking"). We mean his Zelig-like proximity to celebrities and events where no mere blurb-whore has gone before. Take Christopher Mintz-Plasse's publicity-tour stop last week at the University of Michigan, where the Superbad co-star was accosted by a street preacher who said he was going to hell for his work in Hollywood. And look who was with McLovin, natch: It's probably worth noting here that Lyons named Superbad among his top 10 films of 2007, a distinction made easier by the fact he was in the movie. But still, the Michigan incident was incidental; the consummate nepotist Lyons (who didn't graduate from any college, let alone Michigan) was taping an interview segment for his father Jeffrey's syndicated show Reel Talk when the mess went down. Things likely got more perverse later, when we imagine Lyons and Mintz-Plasse had a little more intimate encounter like those Lyons features in a blog gallery actually entitled "Ben Lyons Poses With Famous People." Quite the professional, right? Seriously — who would you rather have sharing his cogent takes on new movies: Michael Wilmington or the douchebag below with the beer bong glomming onto Lauren Conrad? Shia's face says it all: "I need a cigarette." Don't. We. All. How much longer can Ben Lyons get away with getting paid six figures annually to suffocate a beloved institution like At the Movies and document his stalking adventures for E!? And who will stop him? Act fast, America — your celebrities need you.