• John McCain turned nice again, but boo hoo it wasn't enough and he lost all his smart friends. This made him have sad senior moments and make funny faces. And then he decided to just get real angry.
• We found out that our boss is a terrible Nazi anti-Semite, and that Joe is a plumber. Or is he??
• We realized that some TV shows are liberal and some are conservative but almost all of them are bad. Even Project Runway, which is now over forever.
• Madonna's getting divorced! So we decided to give her some really weird life advice. But the best advice we could give her was to fire her lying publicist.
• New York is always changing, and Recession-panicked Goldilocks yuppies are fleeing back and forth forever, trying to find just the right neighborhood. Even Moby!
• ACORN is wicked for trying to get hobos to vote, while hipsters are wicked for secretly not being hobos at all.
• Barack Obama likes fried chicken and waffles and little kids and bloggers like High School Musical, but the Huffington Post no longer likes Rachel Sklar.
• The women in Playboy are not normal, but Rachel Maddow sure is.
• The Gossip Girl kids prepared for the future, though one of them may not live to see it.
• Lastly, if you have any questions, just give us a call.

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