People often ask me for media-world advice, assuming that I actually know the answer. Usually I don't, but sometimes I'm able to offer vague, skewed help based on personal experience. What came across the transom (OK, the Gchat) today? "Hey, how do I find a literary agent for my book project?" Well! The first step, of course, is the query letter...

The second step is somebody leaking that query letter to a publishing blog or maybe the Observer or something.

The third step is your Dad doing a Google search and not talking to you for several weeks. (Sorry, Dad!)

Step four: Denial, bargaining.

Step five: Ulcer & shrink time. Shrink asks me for advice on how to promote his book. Wants a mention here.

Step six: OMG, a date just Googled you! Go back to step three.

Step seven: "Fuck it." Freedom! Rinse & repeat. After that, my friends, it's smooth sailing ahead.

See? It's easy. Don't be afraid to follow your dreams!

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