[Update: The hoax has been confirmed.] So poor Ashley Todd, right? She's the woman who says she was mugged in Pittsburgh Wednesday night (the wrong part of the Pittsburgh, with the Italians) by a black man. And the black man became incensed when he saw her McCain bumper sticker, on her car, and he carved a "B" into her cheek. What a terrible story! Oh but the police have re-interviewed Ms. Todd, and now the story is a little bit different, in that the car and bumper sticker part is out. After the jump, the new story of this terrible hate crime, and also, because we are assholes, selections from Ms. Todd's MySpace page! You will not like her very much, we're guessing. As a charming young man revealed to KDKA news, Ashley Todd is a member of the National College Republican Committee. The National College Republican Committee is famous for its race-baiting stunts and media savvy (or, at least, attempted media savvy). Every little College Republican basically considers him or herself a Lee Atwater in training. But they're so, so bad at their stupid stunts! Back in 2006, a Michigan College Republican named Justin Zatkoff claimed to have been beaten senseless by blacks and/or violent homosexuals. His photo showed a nasty black eye and he was certain the culprits were either militant blacks or militant gays. He just couldn't remember which ones did it! The Ann Arbor police finally revealed, shockingly, that Zatkoff was just beaten up by his high school buddies. And Ms. Todd's story? Well it is different now, as we said:
"We have learned that the victim's statement has a few inconsistencies in it and her statement has changed," said Richard Richard said Todd now says she isn't sure if it was a bumper sticker on her car or a campaign button on her jacket that angered the attacker. Richard said Todd added new details to the attack, saying at one point she lost consciousness. "She also indicated she was sexually assaulted as well. She indicated that when he had her on the ground he put his hand up her blouse and started fondling her. But other than that, she says she doesn't remember anything else. So we're adding a sexual assault to this as well," Richard said.Sheesh. It might've been a campaign button, instead of a bumper sticker! That makes more sense, because before it seems like she maybe pointed out, to her mugger, which car was hers. Now the police, according to the Telegraph, would like Ashley Todd to take a polygraph test! Ha, sure, whatever. Did Todd know reporting made-up crimes was itself a crime? Maybe she can take out her pocket constitution and get out of this one like she did that traffic ticket she actually seems to have had to pay! And hey, about that MySpace page we mentioned? According to a blog entry on it, and one of those cute online quizzes you can take, Todd is certain she will die, someday, from a Political Assassination. It may be a self-inflicted political assassination, but that still counts, right? Just for fun, here are the results of more of her quizzes, which paint her as an evil sociopath. College Republicans! Oh, but look, she got the attention she wanted! John McCain and Sarah Palin both called her and wished her a speedy recovery!
The McCain-Palin campaign also released a statement saying, "The McCain campaign is aware of the incident involving one of its volunteers. Out of respect, the campaign won't be commenting. The campaign also confirms that Senator McCain and Governor Palin have both spoken to the woman."So God Bless Ashley Todd, American Hero. We hope we don't have to write another word on her until the police release their report calling her a crazy person and she disappears forever until she's tapped to be Mike Huckabee's running mate in 2016.