The internecine drama between Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar receives the lion's share of our attention at Defamer, but as we watched today's show we thought to ourselves, what of the silent war that Hasselbeck's stylists are clearly waging on her? We're generous enough to admit that the conservative co-host usually looks on-point (in a chilly, blond, Fox News kind of a way), but on today's show, her hair was fashioned into a prim "Texas polygamist bride" coiffure that was only outdone by the latest in what has become a Hasselbeck trademark: the pirate shirt.

Then, like a bolt out of the blue, a theory hit us.

Perhaps the pirate shirts are by design! Perhaps the trapped Hasselbeck, so desperate to escape for the clammy, comforting embrace of Sean Hannity, is trying to communicate to the audience a sub-rosa message (it certainly wouldn't be the first time). Let's see what it all means!

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· If the pirate shirt is accessorized by a jeans jacket: this connotes the calm before the political storm.

· If the pirate shirt is long-sleeved: things have gotten chilly amongst former friends. Also, William Ayers.

· If the pirate shirt is really more of a delirious, bare-armed vest: the gloves (and sleeves) are off.

And today, if the pirate shirt is maroon and laden with enough ruffles to make even Project Runway's Leanne wave a tremulous hand and whisper, "Just...no"? That means someone is unhappy that Obama is bumping Knight Rider tonight! Clip above.