Five Celebrities In The Tank For Sanctimonious PoliticsAs AlleyInsider notes today, little online video clips have helped shape the election. And you know who else has helped? Celebrities!! Yes the rich and frivolous famous folks who would like to gay marry the sound of their own voices have been out in force, most supporting a Arab man who drives a fancy Volvo full of explosives named Barack Obama. Though John McCain has had some vocal supporters too, most notably the braying little marmot named The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck. After the jump we'll take a look at Ms. Hasselbeck and several other celebs who have lent their questionable names to their candidates' causes. Scarlett Johansson The bee-stung, gloriously be-titted young actress has been in the tank for Barry O since day one, stumping for him and saying silly girlish things about having a crush on the Illinoisan senator. And like most young girls with a crush, she was prone to flights of fancy. Like that time she said the two exchanged so so so juicy emails about politics and ideas and stuff! She said of the matter: “You’d imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly ‘on’ — how can he return these personal e-mails? But he does, and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them. Nobody sees it, nobody talks about it, but it’s incredible. I feel like I’m supporting someone, and having a personal dialogue with them, and it’s amazing.” Awwwwwwww!!!! That's totes adorbs!!!! Except, oh no, a bucket of pig's blood then rained all over her prom parade: "She sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me. I write saying, 'thank you Scarlett for doing what you do,' and suddenly we have this email relationship," Obama said in response. So sad. I blame Reggie. Since then ScarJo's mostly shut up. Sigh. Remember her simpler days, when she was in that video... The 'Yes We Can!' Singin' Celebrities Yeah, ScarJo was in the music remix of Obama's New Hampshire primary speech. And so was the lady from Private Miseries: A Grey's Anatomy Spin-Off, will.i.am., Aisha Tyler, Claire's first boyfriend from Six Feet Under, um... Brian Greenberg from that show October Road, and... some others! And the music is a little uplifty, but I hated it in the beginning because it felt condescending! You know, rich celebrities in thoughtful black and white saying "we" like we're the same people. It almost seems... What does it seem like? What's that word? It begins with an 'E.' Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel Aren't these kids cute? The singer and the actress are in lurve and they've been making be-scarfed impassioned pleas for you to get out and V-O-T-E for a couple months now. They want you to register, and most of you young people will only listen to their celebrity idols when it comes to issues of governance, so they are just doing their part. Oh, and not only do they want you to register, they want you to vote for Barack Obama. Did you hear that? To be cool like JT and the Biel, you gots to vote for Barbados Orama or whatevs. Just watch the video and see how in love they are! You could be in love like that too! Except, you know, with an ugly person! All you have to do is vote! (For Barack Obama!) Leonardo DiCaprio and His Super Famous Non-Partisan Friends Supposedly this dopey votey video was like filmed at the actor's house or something. And it's so wacky because all of these people are saying to you "Don't Vote!" And it's hip because they're being sarcastic. You know, there's not really much to say about this except wouldn't it be weird to get really famous and one day be asked to do these kinds of things? Like the whole conceit behind being a "cool" movie star is that you aren't really phased or even aware, really, of your fame. And then someone like Steven Spielberg calls you and says "you are famous and can tell people what to do, so come make this video" and you go and are therefore tacitly acknowledging how well aware you are of your massive, ludicrous fame. That is weird, I think. Also, DON'T VOTE. The Worst Woman In The World Other than Sarah Palin! Elisabeth Hasselbeck went to the same school where I went to college, my sister went to college, my mom got her PhD, and my dad still teaches. And she's such a disgraceful embarrassment to it! I don't care if she married the football quarterback. The former Survivor contestant (I think she placed 4th?) is a complete trainwreck of a person, bellowing the craziest of the Republican talking points whenever possible on The View and stumping for the wicked ticket at rallies. In the above clip she tries to make the case that John McCain and Sarah Palin are more pro-women's rights than Barack Obama. She also tries to sound like a person who has ever critically thought about anything in her life. So have these fools helped or hurt their candidates' campaigns? Well, it's hard to say. The McCain camp clearly doesn't think that Hasselbeck's ninnery has been bad, because they invited her to speak. The wistful, teary-eyed Obamaniacs have... well, just further ingrained ideas that Hollywood is full of liberal pussies. Because it is! Those are just the facts. Oh and here are more of them!