Two Ex-Models and Two Very Bitter Divorces

• The gloves are off in the divorce between ex-model Stephanie Seymour and mogul Peter Brant. He claims she blows through $257,000 a month (including $50K a month on clothing alone); has been stealing and/or smashing some of his "pricey art objects"; has a history of abusing drugs; and has been bringing her boyfriend to the house. Team Seymour has yet to respond with its side of the story, but you can be sure it's going to be equally salacious. [P6]
• In other news of warring exes, Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook are back at it. Cook's lawyer says Brinkley violated the couple's divorce settlement and should go to jail because of it. Brinkley's team says it was Cook who is at fault and he should be put in jail. At least they agree on one thing! [NYP]
• Madonna supposedly has real estate brokers hunting for an apartment for Jesus Luz, since she's not ready to have him move in with her. Meanwhile, ex-husband Guy Ritchie has finally gotten around to responding to Madonna's comments that he's "emotionally retarded." In an interview with Esquire, Ritchie responded, "I still love her. But she's retarded, too." [Sun, Esquire]
• Did you know that Dina Lohan has a "celebrity" shoe line called Shoe-Han? She does! And it will be unveiled today at Trump Plaza. Exciting! [P6, People]

Jennifer Lopez's new song, "Fresh Out of the Oven," featuring the rapper Pitbull, is online. With the hook, "Break it off here, break it off there," and lyrics such as, "You say you want the cookie, you gonna have to wait for the cookie, no touchy touchy," it's a little unclear if she's singing about relationships, hooking up, or glorious baked goods. [People]
• Nick Lachey says he was definitely upset about the coyote-snatching incident involving his ex Jessica Simpson's dog. "I think a lot of people forgot that Daisy was my dog, too—for years," he said. Duly noted. [Us]
• Katy Perry and Russell Brand held hands during the John Galliano show at Paris Fashion Week. They also seem to have discovered the romantic potential of text messaging and email, which is nice to hear. [3am, P6]
• Michael Vick is working on a "docu-series" for BET about his "comeback" with the Philadelphia Eagles as well as his "tumultuous past." [LAT, MSNBC]
• Katie Holmes has opened up to Elle about how Tom Cruise often critiques her outfit choices. "Sometimes I'll walk out and he'll say, 'I think that dress might be wearing you,'" she said. In other words, he occasionally says things that might lead someone to assume he's gay. If, that is, they weren't aware that he's in a really happy, beautiful marriage, of course. [Elle, Us]
• Bethenny Frankel would like to make it clear she's not leaving The Real Housewives of New York City even though she has her own spinoff show. She's doing both of them. Got that? [MSNBC]
• That report about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston meeting up at Essex House in New York? Their reps say it never happened. [Us]
• In the November issue of Harper's Bazaar, Tina Fey says that Botox "is bad" and probably not for her. Fine. But why does every single interview with women's magazines have to ask about Botox? [Bazaar, Us]
• After announcing he was leaving Dancing With the Stars because of foot injuries, Tom DeLay says that "as liberal as some [of the show's dancers] are, they were very open and very warm." Proof liberals and conservatives can get along, after all. God bless America! [People]
• Jay Leno's ratings continue to drop. [USA Today, NYDN]
• Jon Gosselin claims Kate is preventing him from seeing his twins for more than two hours on their birthday. Cry us a river, Jon. [ET, TMZ, People]
• Letterman update: It was rumored yesterday that Stephanie Birkitt had been banned from the set of the Late Show, but Letterman's production company claims that's not the case and she's only on a "paid leave of absence." In other news, it may have been the sight of Letterman and Stephanie Birkitt making out in his driveway one night in August that pushed Joe Halderman over the edge. [TMZ, NYP]