Have you ever been unemployed? Have you had to call the temp agency to tell them to "reactivate my file"? Is your net worth $240... in ones? Let the lyrics of REM to console us: everybody hurts. And everybody, according to the overwhelming amount of you're-fired stories we've been getting (email@example.com), has been fired. But have you been fired by someone telling your kid instead of you? Or by finding a "people to fire" doc on your boss's computer? Did you unwittingly collate on your own "exit package"?SylviaFired.doc:
My boss didn't know how to save anything into different folders, so it all went into her "Annie's Stuff" folder on the shared drive. I had access, so I spent many merry months reading her Christmas letters, letters to an ex-baby daddy, and the performance reviews of my coworkers. One day I saw a new file with "Sylvia Fired.doc" on it. The dismissal form she'd filled out was full of misspellings and grammatical errors—I spent my last few hours at work copyediting my own dismissal letter. It was the most fulfilling project I took on during my time there.
Tell Your Mom She's Fired:
I worked at a publishing company for a total of 18 years and was laid off last week on a day that I wasn't in the office. Did I get a phone call from my boss? No... he first (in person) told my 19-year-old son (who had been hired in the spring) that he was being let go... then told him about me.
Who called to tell me? My also-laid-off son, who had never known me going to any other job.
Thanks for Collating:
"I have a friend who worked in HR. He was asked to put together the exit packages that are given to people who are laid off. The day after he finished putting them all together, he was handed one."
Finally, to take your mind off the getting-fired stuff, here's a truly inspirational memo passed on to us by a disgruntled former diamond-company employee. It's from her boss, who we are assured was totally incompetent:
I have also noticed an extreme high volume of personal calls lately. If you need to talk to someone for 5 minutes twice a day - I get it, if you can talk to them when you are on your own time and not on my time - I'd prefer it. We are not here to play. I need results and fast! I need each and everyone of you working at your best ability and there is no room for slacking. Not only are we in a difficult economy but we are in a difficult industry with people shutting down all around us...WE WILL PREVAIL and we will RISE ABOVE THE REST. But we will not if you don't help make it happen
Let's make it happen - don't complain about others, don't complain about your workload (guess what - it's no different anywhere else) just MAKE IT HAPPEN and WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF! CHIP AWAY at the projects ONE BY ONE, come up with suggestions on how to improve. If you are sitting idle that's not good - talk to me about it –. Let's come up with a plan on how to MAKE THE BIG PICTURE HAPPEN! If you are complaining...why are you complaining, and can we come up with a solution? I know you are all capable of this. Let's make it happen.
Let's make it happen, everyone.