Drugs, Sex and Idiots: The Gawker Guide to the ElectionTomorrow, America Votes. Most people are fixated on "who will be the next President" and "how many Senate seats will Democrats pick up" but you know what? Real Democracy happens in the insane initiatives that clog local ballots every year. But many of these initiatives are about "taxes" and "redistricting" and other boring things like that. So we've put together a voters guide highlighting only ballot initiatives of interest to drinking, drugging, and whoring Gawker readers. We'll focus on statewide ballot initiatives, which sadly leaves out awesome things like San Francisco's prostitution-legalizing Proposition K but honestly we didn't have time to comb through every damn city in the country's crazy notions. Click through and learn how to vote, oh citizens of this grand experiment! Lady Issues
  • California's Proposition 4 would prohibit abortion for minors until 48 hours after her doctor alerts her parents. Vote: No, asshole.
  • Colorado's Definition of Person Initiative would define a fertilized egg as "a person" under the law. This would outlaw not just abortion but also forms of birth control, and miscarriages. Vote: No, jesus.
  • South Dakota's Abortion Ban Initiative would, uh, ban abortion. Vote: No one in South Dakota reads Gawker. But guys, seriously, just don't.
Teh Gays
  • Arizona's Proposition 102 will "define marriage as between one man and one woman." Gay marriage is already illegal in Arizona, now they're just being dicks. Vote: No, and move out of Arizona for godssake.
  • Florida's Marriage Amendment will also define marriage as between one man and one woman. Then, just to be even more dickish, it goes on: "provides that no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized." I.e. this affects unmarried couples of all kinds. Vote: No. Thankfully it needs 60% to pass.
  • California's Propitision 8 is famous! It will ban the gay marriage, obv. Vote: No no no no.
  • Arkansas' Unmarried Couple Adoption Ban is sneaky (and EVIL)! It's meant to prevent The Gays from adopting kids or even being foster parents, and of course it will ban all unmarried couples from fostering kids and it will screw everyone. It is Arkansas so it will probably pass. Vote: No! Ugh!
Drugs
  • California's Proposition 5 is a complicated initiative. It basically mandates rehab and treatment for non-violent drug crimes, and shortens paroles for drug dealers, and changes some marijuana misdemeanors to infractions. Vote: Honestly? It seems like a big expensive poorly written failure waiting to happen but we can't urge anyone to vote FOR the drug war so go ahead and vote YES because this shit isn't passing anyway.
  • Massachusetts' Sensible Marijuana Policy Initiative would decriminalize possession of an ounce of weeeeeed. Vote: Yes, duh.
  • Michigan's Coalition for Compassionate Care Initiative is a medical marijuana bill! Vote: Yes.
Misc.
  • Iowa and Arkansas want to remove "outdated language" from their constitutions. The language in both cases forbids, quote, "idiots and insane persons" from voting. Hah.