Election Night To Be Hosted By Holograms, Shouting Heads

The TV news networks have very exciting plans tonight, beyond just calling the election nice and early so you can accelerate your drinking! MSNBC, for one, is poised to bring back its fun, bitchy insanity: Though Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews were supposed to just be "analysts" on election night following their Democratic National Convention bickering, Matthews now says they'll be "hosts." Maybe Rachel Maddow, who has already taken Pat Buchanan in hand, is going to keep them in line. CNN will combat this combustible crew with an actual human transporter, like on Star Trek, reports the Wall Street Journal:

CNN has a device that renders three-dimensional holographic images of the network's far-flung contributors in the channel's New York studio.

Anderson Cooper should have a ball with that. No teasing poor holographic Candy Crowley, Anderson. She's tired enough as it is.

CNN's competitors have to content themselves with mid-1990s videogame technology:

General Electric's NBC has two new "virtual-reality studios" where anchors will update animated maps. NBC and MSNBC will feature a running electoral count projected on the side of the networks' headquarters in Rockefeller Plaza. News Corp.'s Fox News Channel, Fox Business Network and the Fox broadcast network will use a new virtual-reality studio to provide graphics and polling data. News Corp. also owns Dow Jones & Co., publisher of The Wall Street Journal.

It's a good thing the TV people are sexing up this election with magical effects. Because otherwise it would be such a snoozer!