Wall Street CEOs make a fortune, as you're undoubtedly aware. Even the chief executives of banks that have been bailed-out by Washington or have gone bust usually end up doing nicely. But despite the riches and perks these men have accumulated and massive egos they've developed along the way, few of them would do all that well in a beauty contest. Because it's high time that Wall Street take advantage of the miracle of modern science—and because we care, dammit—we took the liberty of contacting Dr. Anthony Youn, a board-certified plastic surgeon who has made appearances on Dr. 90210 and the Rachael Ray Show, to ask him what procedures he'd suggest these titans of finance consider if they want to look their very best. Dr. Youn's answers and cost estimates—and our commentary—is below.
A. Lloyd Blankfein (Goldman Sachs CEO)
Suggested work: Extensive hair transplants (more than average, at least $20,000); upper blepharoplasty (to remove excess skin from his upper lids); a lower facelift; and Botox for his crow's feet.
Approximate cost: $34,500
Notes: The last few months haven't been easy for Blankfein what with the media taking shots at Goldman on what seems to be a daily basis. And yet the bank is currently raking in record profits and 2009 is shaping up to the best year for bonuses in the firm's history. If Blankfein doesn't deserve to slip away from the office for a week for a little "touch up," we don't know who does.
B. Jamie Dimon (JPMorgan Chase CEO)
Suggested work: Upper and lower blepharoplasty to deal with his droopy lids; a lower facelift.
Approximate cost: $19,000
Notes: Dimon has done an extraordinary job navigating the financial crisis, to be sure, and his bank is having a banner year. But don't think the silver fox of finance is perfect. He isn't. There's always room for improvement. Let's just hope Jamie remembers that.
C. John Mack (Morgan Stanley CEO)
Suggested work: Rhinoplasty to thin and straighten his nose; a hair transplant to cover up his thinning dome; and Botox to both his crows feet and forehead.
Approximate cost: $14,500
Notes: Mack announced last month that he plans to step down as Morgan's CEO at the beginning of next year. But that's only more of a reason to consider a few cosmetic improvements. It's just as important to look good in the office as it is on the golf course!
D. Dick Fuld (Former Lehman Brothers CEO)
Suggested work: A hair transplant to address his thinning locks; a lower facelift; and Botox for his deep frown lines.
Approximate cost: $17,500
Notes: You certainly can't fault Fuld for his frown lines. He's had a lot to be miserable about since Lehman went bust last fall, his reputation was ruined, and he watched his $1 billion fortune, which was tied up in Lehman stock, go up in smoke. But he can still afford to have a little work done, we're pretty sure. For just a few thousand dollars, he could turn that frown upside down in no time!
E. Steve Schwarzman (Blackstone Group CEO)
Suggested work: A hair transplant to "relieve the horseshoe"; a lower facelift; and Botox.
Approximate cost: $17,500
Notes: Schwarzman loves the spotlight, clearly. Shouldn't he look his very best when he attends gala events or dines at celeb-filled restaurants in Saint-Tropez? His wife is clearly no stranger to plastic surgeons' offices. Why Steve has yet to make the trip himself is a mystery. But hopefully that will change soon enough.
F. Vikram Pandit (Citigroup CEO)
Suggested work: A lower facelift to tighten his jawline; Restylane for his smile lines; and a hair transplant to the front hairline.
Approximate cost: $17,800
Notes: With Washington intent on stripping Citigroup of its fat pay packages, Pandit probably won't be making big bucks this year. Fortunately, he hoodwinked the bank into overpaying for his hedge fund a couple of years ago, so he probably has plenty saved up for a few personal enhancements. Last year, Pandit got into a little trouble after it was revealed he wanted to install a "Zen garden" outside his office. You know what true peace and happiness is? Gazing at your reflection in the mirror and being happy with what you see.
— Molly Fahner