A New Low for the Lohans

• The Lohan family drama goes on. Another recorded phone call has been released and this one features Dina Lohan telling Lindsay's father Michael that their daughter once punched her and kicked her out of the car. Naturally, LiLo quickly responded on Twitter and called her father a whole bunch of names. And now Papa Lohan has countered by promising to release even more tapes in the days to come. So, no, this saga is not even close to over. [P6, People]
Alec Baldwin says he has "a great ass." Please make a note of it. [Us]
• Paul Johnson-Calderon, the bow tie-wearing social gay set to appear on Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show, is in trouble again. He was caught on tape snatching purses on the LES earlier this year; now he's been caught on camera vandalizing a friend's Union Square apartment building. Calderon's defense? "It's not like rock stars don't vandalize hotel rooms and such all the time." Yes, but you're not a rock star, buddy. [P6]

• The last Burglar Bunch suspect has turned himself into police. Los Angeles celebrities can finally rest easy. [NYDN]
• That Stephen Colbert is such the kidder. While Bob Woodruff was attempting to interview Bruce Springsteen at the Stand Up for Heroes benefit the other night, Colbert kept flushing the toilet in the bathroom near where they were doing the interview so they'd have to start all over again. [P6]
• When real stars and Real Housewives collide: At a film party last week, Kevin Spacey mocked Alex McCord and Ramona Singer, who were in attendance, which led Alex's creepy husband, Simon van Kempen, to become so enraged that McCord had to "physically hold Simon back from getting in Kevin's face later on in the evening." [NYDN]
• Sharon Osbourne went off on Susan Boyle on a radio show—she said Boyle had been hit with an ugly stick and "You just want to say God bless, and here's a Gillette razor"—and now some viewers are calling for Osbourne to be fired from America's Got Talent. [PopEater, P6]
• Katy Perry, who hosted the MTV Europe Music Awards, wore 12 different outfits; Beyonce only wore four. We'd call Beyonce a slacker, but she did win three awards so we won't. [DM, Reuters]
• Is Kevin Federline having another baby? Let's hope not. [Starpulse]
• In an interview in the December issue of Cosmo, Fergie said that husband Josh Duhamel likes the fact she's added a few extra pounds and says that he'd never, ever have any reason to stray: "You know, in Italy, Catholic boys are raised to believe that there are two types of women: the Madonna and the whore. And me? I'm both." [People, Us]
• Creepy: Apparently, Scientology employees are forced to watch Tom Cruise videos as part of their "training," says a former Scientologist in a new tell-all book. [Radar]
• Jesse James is trying to keep Sandra Bullock out of his custody fight with his ex-wife/porn star baby mama, Janine Lindemulder. [People]
• Celine Dion is building a water park in her backyard in Florida, just so you know. [Page2Live]
• William Shatner did a dramatic reading of Levi Johnston's tweets on the Tonight Show the other night, and now Johnston and his manager are "demanding a retraction." Apparently, the tweets were from a Johnston imposter. [TMZ, Us]
• Not surprisingly, Jon Gosselin is spending Thanksgiving with his girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, instead of with his kids. [NYDN, People]
• Elton John is out of the hospital. [People]
• Andy Roddick and his 22-year-old year old wife, model Brooklyn Decker, are looking for an apartment.... in Brooklyn, naturally. [P6]