You think this election was all fun and games and hope and first black presidents and gay marriage banning? No! No, it was not! There were real things at stake that Americans didn't even think about, lives in the balance that Americans never considered, and now they've gone and torn a family apart with their "voting." That's right, the 110th Congress's only all-member rock band has been forced to disband. "The Second Amendments" are an actual, instrument-playing rock band made up of members of congress. They were basically a crappy wedding band, playing dad music semi-competently, but the "members of Congress" thing made the whole show a little more surreal. Now, though, they are done, forever.
Drummer Rep. Kenny Hulshof (R-Mo.) already announced he would leave Congress, and his replacement, Rep. Bill Sali (R-Idaho), was voted out of office on Tuesday. Keyboardist Rep. Jon Porter (R-Nev.) also lost his re-election bid, and with bass player Rep. Dave Weldon (R-Fla.) retiring at the end of the session, the only Members left in the group are lead guitarist Rep. Thaddeus McCotter (R-Mich.) and vocalist Rep. Collin Peterson (D-Minn.). (New York Democratic Rep. John Hall, a member of ’70s-era pop-rock group Orleans, had hinted at joining full-time.)
It's a sad story, if you care about what losers in Congress do in their spare time. Nearly as sad as the fate that befell the old Republican vocal group "The Singing Senators" (pictured, above). That group was made up of Jim Jeffords (retired from the Senate a Republican pariah for abandoning the party), John Ashcroft (left the Senate to join the Bush Administration [after losing his seat to A DEAD MAN! -ed]), Trent Lott (left the Senate to become a lobbyist years after his pro-segregation remarks forced him to resign his position in the GOP leadership), and Larry Craig (tried to fuck an undercover cop in an airport bathroom, surprisingly the last one in this band still serving in the Senate.) Enough of the old losers, though! What of the new DC residents? Every new presidential administration brings with it to Washington DC a veritable army of new, true believing young men and women. Aides and staffers and excited new think tank interns and political appointees and flacks and fresh-faced staffers of the new congress all flock to DC in order to remake the city in the image of whoever is in charge this time around. And every time, the peaceful transfer of power is accompanied by profound, seething hatred, by the old guard, for the new. Bill Clinton's hillbilly freaks make their home in dive bars far, far from The Hill, and everyone in DC was embarrassed when the cowboy morons of the Bush II showed up in their hats and boots. Now the Obama kids are on the way! And here is some fantastic news for them: the Bush kids broke the country, so Virginia real estate is super cheap. And whatever outgoing Republican you're buying from will be selling at an enormous loss. Hooray!