David Archuleta Caught In Crossfire Between Mormon Church And 98% Of His FanbaseWe find ourselves absentmindedly doodling pictures of littlest karaoke soldier David Archuleta in the margins of our publishing software, wiling away these final days until his totally-going-to-blow-Cook-out-of-the-water debut LP drops. But listen, Archie—our little shaved koala, our 300-lb. gospel powerhouse in the body of a 17-year-old Mormon twink—the times, they are a-changin', but not a-quite fast enough. You've already begun to do your part, releasing a catchy single called "Crush" whose video remains titillatingly unspecific about which of the several boys splashing around in a lake you secretly want to take Christmas Tree shopping. But things are escalating.Your fanbase is bum rushing your houses of worship, hoisting placards demanding back their pillaged civil rights with the very hands that feverishly dialed in your 1-866-IDOLS number during your own moment of need. Only one child can bring these two sides together. The One. The Archie. Just leave your father at home, and remember what we always told you: song choice, song choice, song choice. Now what are you waiting for—a sign in some cornfield? Go save the world, kiddo! We're counting on you!