- Maddox: This was the first one, right? Angelina Jolie adopted him from Cambodia before she
marriedhooked up with actor Brad Pitt. He'll end up being kind of alterna and will go to Reed in Oregon. He won't do much showbiz, except for directing a few weirdo, trippy skateboarding shorts
- Zahara and Pax: Jolie's two other adopted chillens, they'll both attend Northwestern and graduate with honors. Zahara will become a scholar of feminist theatre, writing her dissertation on Suzan Lori-Parks. Pax and his life partner Ethan will move to Ethan's native Calgary, Alberta where Pax will work as a high school administrator and part-time saxophonist in a local jazz band.
- Vivienne and Knox: In the summer of 2024, the twins, vacationing in Borneo, will hop into a hot air balloon and float away, never to be seen again. Some people will claim to have spotted them doing drag performances of Gypsy at the Guthrie in Minneapolis under assumed names, but those reports will mostly be dismissed as rumor.