"My ideal job would be anything that thoroughly monopolizes my brain for a sufficiently lengthy portion of the day (10–14 hours) to render it incapable upon punching out of the sort of anxiety and/or guilt and/or existential despair that takes the fun out of drinking. It would be nice if the position involved writing and/or humor and/or a perverse fascination with finance, but seriously, a high-pressure barista environment would probably do the trick.”Meanwhile, the laid-off CosmoGirls sound like just as much of a pain in the ass that they probably were in the hallways of Hearst: they like to go to a cutesy bar called Lolita, and their dream jobs range from "I would like to leverage my production and design skills from CosmoGirl to find a position within either area at a new publication" to "Fashion, style and photography are the three great passions of mine that I would rather not live without." Yawn! Also, they think the "vibe" of the completely gentrified Lower East Side is "still very rock." Finish your Cosmos and get out, girls.
Sometimes, don't you wish you didn't have to get out of bed every morning, and could just wander the city all day, window shopping and drinking at whatever goddamned hour you choose? Time Out has a roundup about where recently laid-off media and finance proles go to drink, and they featured our former writer, the totally unjustly fired Moe. Look how happy and healthy she looks in the photo, due not to some South Beach vacation but from being away from the cancerous glow of her computer screen and the repetitive-stress injuries of typeblogging. It's almost enough to make us want to get fired.As Moe tells Time Out about her dream job: