Financial Crisis a Boon to the Quack ProfessionsEver get so desperate that you'll visit a psychic or voodoo lady to divine a money ritual? (There was once an unfortunate incident with a santeria priest in Brooklyn that we won't get into here....) It's not just for working-stiff Take Five players and superstitious viejas anymore. Professionals are obviously freaking about market turmoil, and many are visiting hypnotists, says the WSJ. Previously, the Journal (reported by Mary Pilon, our former pie-charting Intern Mary) said: "Yesterday I spoke with a stockbroker who has been running six miles a day. Another is popping aspirin. Some are slinking to happy hour after closing bell." So here's one market that's experiencing a recession boon: hypnotists, psychics, and other snake-oil salesmen:
"Jacob Bimblich, a New York City hypnotist, knew that when the Dow Jones Industrial Average plummeted this fall, his business would go up. He first noticed the increase in financially fretful clients after a couple of laid-off workers from Bear, Stearns & Co., which collapsed in March and was acquired by J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., saw him this spring. Soon came a stream of clients from Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc., Washington Mutual Inc. and other Wall Street firms caught up in the credit crunch." [From the WSJ]
Yeah, so that's what Wall Streeters do—but have you ever wondered what trustafarian Satanists do when they lose a metric ton of cash in the stock market? From the New York Press:
Both of these Satanists are grappling with rapidly diminishing trust funds... I want to know if there are any rituals they can do to get their money back. “Well, they can start with taking some business classes..." After I press him a little harder, he admits, “There is something that involves Mercury, the trickster god, who’s been associated with Satan.” He pauses to pay a toll, and then continues: “But it should have been done last year. Now we’re fucked.”
And Wired says psychics are experiencing an upturn:
Katrina Spears, a self-described internet medium, was running errands Sept. 30, the day the Dow plummeted 770 points.

"When I got home that day, I had messages from 30 clients," Spears says... Internet psychics across the board saw a spike in traffic in the days following the initial market crash.
The real trend: allay your fears about money by giving your money to someone else. Try church instead for your blind-faith exercises—at least it's free!