Financial Crisis a Boon to the Quack Professions Ever get so desperate that you'll visit a psychic or voodoo lady to divine a money ritual? (There was once an unfortunate incident with a santeria priest in Brooklyn that we won't get into here....) It's not just for working-stiff Take Five players and superstitious viejas anymore. Professionals are obviously freaking about market turmoil, and many are visiting hypnotists, says the WSJ . Previously, the Journal (reported by Mary Pilon, our former pie-charting Intern Mary ) said: "Yesterday I spoke with a stockbroker who has been running six miles a day. Another is popping aspirin. Some are slinking to happy hour after closing bell." So here's one market that's experiencing a recession boon: hypnotists, psychics, and other snake-oil salesmen:

"Jacob Bimblich, a New York City hypnotist, knew that when the Dow Jones Industrial Average plummeted this fall, his business would go up. He first noticed the increase in financially fretful clients after a couple of laid-off workers from Bear, Stearns & Co., which collapsed in March and was acquired by J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., saw him this spring. Soon came a stream of clients from Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc., Washington Mutual Inc. and other Wall Street firms caught up in the credit crunch." [From the WSJ]
Yeah, so that's what Wall Streeters do—but have you ever wondered what trustafarian Satanists do when they lose a metric ton of cash in the stock market? From the New York Press :
Both of these Satanists are grappling with rapidly diminishing trust funds... I want to know if there are any rituals they can do to get their money back. “Well, they can start with taking some business classes..." After I press him a little harder, he admits, “There is something that involves Mercury, the trickster god, who’s been associated with Satan.” He pauses to pay a toll, and then continues: “But it should have been done last year. Now we’re fucked.”
And Wired says psychics are experiencing an upturn :
Katrina Spears, a self-described internet medium, was running errands Sept. 30, the day the Dow plummeted 770 points.

"When I got home that day, I had messages from 30 clients," Spears says... Internet psychics across the board saw a spike in traffic in the days following the initial market crash.
The real trend: allay your fears about money by giving your money to someone else. Try church instead for your blind-faith exercises—at least it's free!