Jean-Claude Van Damme has always expressed himself by using the, how you say, the kicking? The kicking and the doing the splits? But now that he has the weirdly thoughtful meta-meditation JCVD in the offing, the Muscles from Brussels has been making the American press rounds, attempting to beat the English language into submission like it was Dolph Lundgren's high-cheekboned, Aryan face. We've already enjoyed the actor's "fruit-opening" secret to acting, but let's all marinate in his latest, greatest interview (with BlackBook) and attempt to figure out just what the hell he's saying. Join us, won't you?
Q: I’m from Argentina. I’ve actually seen you [in Argentina] a long time ago, in a beach resort called Pinamar. A: I tell you what, I don’t know if I remember you because I went there many years ago, but I became more handsome. Fernando, why is that? For my fans—my real fans in Argentina—you can tell them he’s more ugly then before. His body’s still good but he still kicks like a mule.
Translation: Jean-Claude Van Damme is either better-looking or uglier than before, but no matter what, he is still an ass.
What’s this movie about? Is it an action movie? ...I think [in] Full Love we want to represent the persona, the people, into the movie as a real person. I don’t want to say the actor because then they will be acting, so I don’t want ourselves to ... go into another direction of thinking, from rich to poor, from dishonest to honest, or vice versa, which means from real life to not real life, which is a real movie so we’re trying that with Full Love.
Translation: Van Damme's JCVD follow-up, Full Love, is going to be like Synecdoche, New York with more flexed glutes.
Why do you think the movie will have lots of critics in a bad way? Because what’s good sometimes is bad, and what’s bad sometimes is good. We will try to tell what is bad, and if we can do this, maybe the movie will become better, but we are taking the audience into the movie to believe it’s a great film, and it becomes more and more into reality. Wow, we never expected that from “Oh yes, we know.” Because I’m gonna put that in the script, “Oh yes, we know.” It’s a script, it’s a quotation. The people saying it. “Oh yes, we know.”
Translation: Oh yes, we have no idea. [Photo Credit: Getty Images]